🍭 Google’s Gridlock to Government Gag Orders 🗽

Good morning. If you squint, it looks like progress.

If you open your eyes, it looks like Google melting, humanoids folding shirts, and Congress trying to hand Big Tech the keys to the city.

What’s Cookin’:

• Google’s parts are worth $3.7T. If it nukes itself…

• China’s humanoid army just got state-sponsored upgrades

• Congress wants to ban all state-level AI laws for 10 years

• 5 AI tools you actually can use

• And everything else you need to know all in 4 minutes.

  
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Google
🔮 Google’s $3.7T Breakup Fantasy

The Bite: An analyst just said the quiet part out loud: Google’s too bloated to grow. Break it up, spin it off, and suddenly the pieces are worth $3.7 trillion.

Is it that easy?
One analyst thinks so.


Snacks: 

• DA Davidson’s Gil Luria says Alphabet is “dooming itself” by staying whole

• Says Google Search is a “melting ice cube”. AI is already eating its lunch.

• YouTube = Netflix valuation. But not right now, YT gets buried under Google valuation.

• Even Apple’s Safari team is considering dropping Google search

Why it Bites: Alphabet’s biggest risk isn’t regulation. It’s clinging to an empire model in an era of modular AI warfare.

His claim is actually valid af.

Ebay spun off PayPal. It worked.
Morgan Stanley spun off Discover. It worked.

Search built the throne.
Now it’s the anchor.

AI eats margins.
Antitrust eats structure.
Investors want growth.

If this is the end of Search dominance, Google’s best option might be the one it hates most: self-destruction.

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Bit by bit.

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Prompt and 4 reference images to use. 👇

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China
🤖 China’s Humanoids Just Clocked In

The Bite: China’s state-backed robot companies are building humanoids that fold shirts, open doors, and maybe steal your factory job.

Over 36 new models launched this year alone.


Snacks:

• Over $20B invested in AI + robotics since last year

• AgiBot’s bots work 17 hours/day in live training environments

• Production costs expected to drop from $35K → $17K by 2030

• Xi Jinping visited the warehouse — and said they might form a football team

• Use cases: factories, elder care, logistics, and state procurement…frens?

Why it bites: Don’t let the flashy robots fool you. It’s giving more “national industrial strategy” than “look at our cool robots”.

While the U.S. argues about chip bans and ethics boards, China is deploying armies of AI-powered workers backed by a trillion yuan and no public debate.

If humanoids become the new forklifts, China owns the factory floor of the future.

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Capital Hill
🏛️ Choose-Your-Own-Adventure: AI Regulations

The Bite: House Republicans are pushing a 10-year freeze on all state-level AI laws. Wiping out everything from deepfake bans to hiring transparency.

Don’t let the headline fool you. They are proposing light-touch federal regulations. Don’t let CNN fool you when they say “Republicans trying to consolodate power away from the states.”

I mean…. it’s true. But the intention is to replace the exisitng state laws with overarching federal laws around AI.

The Why? Beat China in the new Cold War

We’re all for smaller gov. Less regulation, etc… But how many stupid state laws do you have in your state?

You want those same dudes writing AI laws? Me neither.


Snacks:

• Bill would make federal government sole AI regulator until 2035. Who’s bill?

• More than 30 state laws passed in 2024 alone

• Critics say it’s a Big Tech “get out of jail free” card

• Stuffed inside a reconciliation bill. Which can’t be filibustered

Why it bites: Last Thursday, we covered Ted Cruz & AI leaders agreeing that the AI battle IS a cold war with better branding.

AGI = Moon landing.

And AI’s main character Scam Sam Altman suggested federal “light touch” laws.

Yesterday, that’s what was being proposed.

Congress is treating AI regulation like a sprint to “beat China” but are they sidelining actual consumer protections in the process?

This bill proposes a decade-long vacuum, letting Big Tech self-govern (as long as they lobby the riight regulators) while generative AI reshapes hiring, elections, privacy, and identity.

They’re not just banning bad laws. They’re banning any [state AI] law. For 10 years.

That’s not innovation. That’s regulatory capture in a hoodie.

This is a moment where you have to ask yourself. “Do I trust the regulators”.

Of course you don’t. Neither do I.

Ultimately, it’s choose-your-own-adventure, AI regulation edition.

Everything Else
You need to know 📈 ——- SHORT STORIES — potential to tease a main story for the following day.

🦾 Deepfakes > Phishing: Voice phishing spiked 442% in 6 months. North Korean ops are deepfaking job interviews.

→ AI isn’t only automating code. It’s impersonating your CFO.

🎧 Audible’s Scaling AI Voices: 50K+ audiobooks are now “Narrated by: Virtual Voice.”

→ Great for budgets. Terrible for people who like nuance and breath sounds.

🇺🇸 Trump Admin Scraps Biden’s AI Export Rules: Biden wanted tiered restrictions. Trump’s DOC said “nah” and rug pulled his rules.

→ No chip ban, just guidance and vibes.

🎙️ Spotify’s AI DJ Gets Ears: You can now tell it what to play. Genre, artist, mood — it’s listening.

Coming soon: “play something that understands me.” — Might have to go deep in the library…. 😅

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